two lines from ghalib

Jeete rahe tere vade ko maan jhoot janaKi
Khusi se mar na jate gar aitabar hota

'sensex crosses 9000'
'how does this affect to me??'
'it does not. but there are many things which affect me indirectly'
'there are many thing like this'
'it does not put merit on the things which we talk about or which we do not……
If we look on things with a broader (I would say when lines are not there) perspective it does not make sense whether we are talking about this thing or that…
But honestly speaking I did not send you sent you mail with that perspective in mind. It was just a pretty happiness (happiness which was based on false….)
Which sprung out of my neuronal reactions which make my existence itself meaningless (hence the things I do).'
'nervous break down'

apreciating so called beauty,
germinated on fertility of deads...
all leads to insanity....
germinated on fertility of deads...

who made them like this.....i don't think they ever wanted to be like this.who wants to be just a fantacy of others world.....we never asked them....they never revolted....they are beautiful?...or we made them beautiful.....'beauty' is most wrongly valued word in the world..........................

i did not want to get up..but i did...i did not want to come here...but i am here.....
who says this is me???? i wonder i am i??? i am not disowning my body..........but
i don't want to continue with this.......i wonder i am i???

i saw you today without words....i liked you...i wanted to touch you......
people will say you are not beautiful.......who are they.....i want to touch you.....

words speaking to words......

i am never happy with language...... distorts my thought;
killer in the books;
and we embrace him;
we love death;
knowingly or unknowingly;
we love the death and we love to kill;
knowingly or unknowingly;

today i thought about you;
you don't exist without me;
you and only you;
wisper in my hands;
you and only you;
one touch;
many years;
you and me;
it was not love;
a wisper;to my body;
you and only you;
no i never existed without you;

sweet air;
with warm touchfrom nothingness;
i love it.

things i love most;
you;
nothingness;
and you. things i hate most;
you; everyone; you;

acadmic identity?? its just like a big family.....and u just want to be part of that family....it gives you social security but security for whom?? you are no more? its family and fictituous fugures not you....u are providing social security to them.. they get strengthened...its really gutsy to leave lucrative acadmic family...alas....i cud not do that....

i never wanted to wrap you in my words........but i never wanted u wrapped in others word....

warmness of memories..... who is my sun..yesterday midnight when i was back to my place after diner i could see the warmness of the sky without sun....moon was not that beautiful... i always loved sky without moon...twinklinig of stars..but i always loved earth with moon..whiteness of darkness... i remeber my days at my home when we used to sit surrounding fire enjoying the warmness touching each and every part of me.. it was chilling cold ...i love chilling cold...belive me its not symmetric.. the role of these two can't be exchanged... i miss winter very much..